January 25, 2009

I'm sitting in Border's, still shaking from the cold from having walked, starting at the Brooklyn Bridge all the way to Columbus Circle (around 6 miles) with WalkToStop.Org.. It was a peaceful march, and for myself, unusually quiet as the events I have been to the last few weeks have been strikingly loud.

It seems that since the ceasefire, the energy has died down. Don't be mistaken - it doesn't mean people are less angry or charged about the injustice in Gaza. It's been a good chance for people to organize. We are not silent, and we will never be silent.

I filled up three memory cards. Each photo I shoot adds to editing time. My schedule for shooting has already filled up four days of a week that has not begun. 2 protests. A meeting on Zionism. My brain is so thirsty, my body has forgotten itself, as my apartment collects dust and Nico's shedding accumulates. Laundry awaits. Luggage still unpacked. My fridge has a nice array of half-empty condiments and not much else. My mom asks me if I'd been eating well and I respond with laughter.

Friends call, but I can't talk. "Hey, you want to do dinner?" Not really.

I haven't been really social lately.

I'm not a photographer, I'm a socialist with a camera. I can't pencil you in, I have a message to get out to the world!!

I've been deemed "mad" and "crazy" by ex-boyfriend. Also, "crazy" by my Palestinian friend who took me to my first Gaza protest earlier this month.

Another ex cheers me on and says one day we'll be side by side documenting the world.

Feels nice to be believed in.

Parents are scared. Has Vanissa gone nuts? What happened to these plans that she's been talking about....maybe she should just settle down, meet Joe Shmoe and get married...pop out a few kids...

FUCK Joe Shmoe! He'll get in the way of my photography agenda....

And what is that exactly?

To reveal to the world: INJUSTICE!! INJUSTICE!! INJUSTICE!!

To convince the world of humanity, that we musn't allow ourselves to be seduced by capitalism (or so preoccupied with the bubble of our own lives) to the point where we begin to feel no attachment to our fellow human beings. It's easy to love the people we have in our life, family and friends, but to love our "neighbors," (or some would rather isolate them by calling them "strangers") even though it's a rule for nearly every religion to, "love thy neighbor," it doesn't appear that we are so inclined.

People have come up to me to "congratulate" me for my "humanitarian" efforts - this isn't something to congratulate me for, I'm not in this to win a prize, I'm in this to convince the people who are congratulating me and anyone else to give a damn like I do! We should be caring that people are dying (why? Because we are human), and even more so because the United States has a direct hand in Israel's massacre of 1400 people.

Then people ask, "Okay, well I do care, but what could I do to help?" There's so much you could do. Boycott organizations that support Israel. Get involved in an event. Read about what is happening, and don't just read one source or only sources that the U.S. puts out.

There are demonstrations everywhere, there are groups and organizations everywhere. You can easily get involved these days, especially with information being so easily accessed via internet. These people need help. They need more people to stand in solidarity with Gazans, and other oppressed people. The more people there are, the less power the government has, the less they are able to ignore us, the more we will be heard, and the closer we will come to some kind of justice in the future. Persistence will keep the movement going, indifference will only promise defeat and stagnation.

I ramble....I cannot change the world in one post, but maybe I can convince at least one person who's on the fence to give two shits about this and actually do something about it......

As far as my path goes, as far as my plans go, I make them and they either happen or don't. My heart is what leads me, and I will change plans if need be.

I cannot and refuse to live any other way.